Tongue in Cheeky Stuff

15 Reasons Why Warrnambool is better than Daylesford

1. Warrnambool may be a little fresh in winter, but in Daylesford you will freeze your butt off and get bogged in the snow. When they say “chill out” they really mean it.
2. There are lovely caves and sand dunes to hide in along the coast, better than hiding behind a tree and having a bull-ant bite you on the bum.
3. When it comes to water Daylesford might have mineral springs, but we have an entire ocean and two rivers – beat that!
4. Daylesford has an art gallery in a convent, we have a nightclub in an art gallery.
5. How many traffic lights does Daylesford have? Do they even have electricity there? We don’t think so.
6. You think Daylesford is the lesbian capital of Victoria? We have more and they’re active all year round.
7. Bears hibernate in Warrnambool, in Daylesford they are cryogenically frozen.
8. They have hippies and ferals. We have surf lifesavers.
9. In Daylesford lovers meet by the lake, here they meet at Thunder Point.
10. Miranda! Miranda! After Hanging Rock she was OVER that area and moved to Warrnambool.
11. Daylesford is host to the World’s Longest Lunch, we are host to the boys with the longest… lunch. In fact, we have a Club Sandwich.
12. Lavender harvest? We have a cheese factory.
13. Daylesford is near Hepburn Springs. Warrnambool is near Port FAIRY.
14. Daylesford has an adult literacy group, we have a TAFE and a university.
15. We have a whale called Wilma... Enough said!

We were a little concerned we might offend the good people of Daylesford, but we figured neither of them would care…

P & P April 2006

If you would like to add to this ever growing list, just send us an email. Contributions welcome!

Reader Contributions:

17. We have a multimillion dollar sound and light show daily at Flagstaff Hill, they have fire twirlers! woo hoo! - Fatty

18. Warrnambool has 54 "Gaydar" profiles, Daylesford only has 15! - Toogood

The Heterosexual Questionnaire

The origins of this questionnaire are lost somewhere in time. (an oldie but still a goodie) - PA

1. How do you know you are a heterosexual?
2. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
3. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
4. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
5. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
6. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
7. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
8. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your life style?
9. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you keep it behind closed doors?
10. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they'd face?
11. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers, doctors and other proffessionals?
12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
13. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
14. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you?
15. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential?
16. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed which might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?