Episode 5 - Livin' La Vida Loca -
Paulie, Midge and the others pushed their way through the crowded pub to the back room where the drag show was about to begin. They sat in their usual corner, which was unofficially the reserved area for the tenants of 181 Carlisle Street. They ordered their drinks. It was happy hour so they were going through the motions of gorging themselves on the top shelf spirits. Once the booze went back to its normal price, they switched to beer and house wine.
Midge had refuelled with a few beers and adjusted her appendage.
'OK, time to impress the ladies,' she announced and headed towards the stage. She waited for Tom Jones to finish her rendition of "What's new pussy cat" and then mounted the stage. There was a hush in the crowd before the music started.
'Cool, she's gonna do John Travolta,' someone shouted from the audience.
'I'm Ricky Martin you fuck wit!' Midge yelled back into the sea of faces.
"Livin' La Vida Loca" suddenly belted out on the speakers and Midge went into her carefully choreographed hip wiggling. The grrls in the crowd went wild, the boi's rolled their eyes and went back to their drinks. The tables of 181 screamed encouragement.
Midge did a few turns and jiggles and sweat began to pour down her face. She grinned, thinking that if she didn't pull tonight there would be no hope for her. She was driving these chicks into a frenzy. Half way through her performance, a pair of undies came flying onto the stage. The grrls screamed. Midge wiggled her way over to them, picked them up with the toe of her shoe and flicked them back into the crowd. The grrls in the direct path of the panties squealed in disgust and the group parted like the Red Sea. The garment hit the ground and they kicked them around like a deflated soccer ball, trying to get them away from each other.
Midge was now dripping with perspiration and was getting ready for her grand finale; to run across the stage and slide on her knees and stop in a seductive Ricky pose on the last beat of the song. Sweat had trickled into her eyes and she became blinded and misjudged the distance between her and the edge of the stage. She went flying into the crowd.
Fortunately she landed on someone.
Unfortunately she was about 2 metres tall and built like a brick shit house. She snarled at Midge, who was lying on top of her, revealing decayed teeth. Midge chuckled nervously,
'Thanks for breaking my fall.'
'Gonna break your neck you dumb bitch,' the other said. Midge frowned, and her stubborness took over her natural instinct for survival.
'Nice mullet, grrl. They say that hair style will come back in again one day.' Fists and fur flew. The mullet tried to grab Midge by the hair but thankfully she had enough grease in it to lubricate a Mac truck.
She crawled along the floor amongst a hundred pairs of Doc Martins with the mullet hot on her heels. She got to the back of the crowd, staggered to her feet and ran to the bar. She was looking for Doug, the manager, who didn't stand for any crap in his pub. He had already noticed there was a cat fight and was coming out from behind the service area to sort it out. Midge breathed a grateful sigh of relief.
Doug's eyes grew wide and he put out his hand, like a cop stopping traffic. Someone screamed and as she turned to see what was going on behind her, she felt a thud on the back on her head and heard the shattering of glass. She slumped to her knees and felt warm moisture trickling down the side of her face.
The world went black
to be continued... |
